"As we get closer to our departure for Albania I look back and reflect on what my life has been like these past few years. I have been in transition between two chapters in my own life. Transitioning between a successful secular career and full-time Christian service. You see, three years ago my family and I decided to become missionaries. Contrary to popular belief, when you become a missionary you don’t just get up and go. I’ve had to look for a missions organization, ease out of my career, close down my business, go back to seminary, raise financial support, go through training, sell things, give things away, and pray… a lot of praying. All of this has required patience. And, I am not a patient person by nature. And as my family can attest to, I’m always the one saying, “Let’s go, hurry up!"
But, over the past few years God has been teaching me, among many things; patience. And, now as I reflect back and see where we've been and where we are now going I see why God has been teaching me this virtue. Two reasons in particular stand out:
First, everything is in God's timing, not mine. No matter how much we may be in God's will, we are NOT in control. Three years ago, I knew precisely where we were going to serve, when we were going to leave, and with what missions organization we were going with. Needless to say, none of this transpired the way I had envisioned it. Isaiah 55:8 resonates with me more than ever before in my life: "'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the LORD."
Secondly, being a missionary requires patience, particularly with people. The people with whom we will be serving amongst are a syncretistic people group. Syncretistic people are those who believe in or adhere to a combination of more than one religious belief system. The Roma are pluralistic in their religious beliefs. Patience is required when ministering to them because they may look you in the face and say, “Yes, we believe in Jesus Christ!” and then go down to the local mosque and pray to Allah of the Koran. Needless to say, many a missionary has come off the missionary field as a result of this.
I can't say it's been an easy period of transition for me. Many times I have become anxious. I am so very eager to go and serve and waiting simply grates on my nerves at times. To be brutally honest, I have lost many nights sleep, taken anti-anxiety medication, become bitter at times, and lashed out at my family a time or two. But, I am very grateful for a family that God has blessed me with who understands me and puts up with me even through the times that Daddy just doesn't seem himself. God is breaking through my selfish stubborness and molding me into the disciple that He wants me to be. Not for my own selfish gain, but for the people with whom we will become a living testimony to.
Most of all, I am grateful for a God who is indeed in control of every facet of my life. Many a times He has had to gently steer me back onto His path as I veered onto a path that I thought was greater than His. Who knows what would have happened if we would have gone down that path. The mere thought of it makes me shudder.
In the end, I am left with the same reminder of God's sovereignty that Paul reminds the church at Philippi: "For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill His good purpose." (Philippians 2:13) Not MY purpose, but HIS purpose. And that's the purpose I always want to remain in."
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